August 28, 2008
I have been out at our secluded love-nest on Waiheke Island all week - and I am totally knackered (and not in a good way)! Sadly, cuddly bliss was not to be.
Our lovely tenants had left us with a nightmare of cleaning and the spring rains had all-but demolished the pathway (it's 72m from road to house - downhill). I have now installed 30 (count-em) steps, dug into the hillside and reinforced with macrocarpa sleepers. I've trenched the uphill side to slow erosion in the future. So now I am back with the cats and deserving of R&R methinks... only every time I bring it up, Cathy pokes me until I beg for mercy (It's tough being ticklish.)
The last day was spent out at Whakarewa regeonal park, one of the more beautiful parts of the island, watching the waves...
Homecoming was special - Tai Orewa for dinner. We always get a warm welcome there, even when I'm haggard and scruffy. Like tonight.
Back home - the cats were all over us. Orlando has been telling us off non stop now for about an hour, between cuddles. He reckons he has a weeks worth coming to him. Kitti and Smeagol have been more like: humans, check, food, check.... we're done here.
Waiheke was bitter-sweet, especially the old house. I built that house to our specs so it is very comfortable. We also lived there for ten years... two of them with Corwin. It's peaceful and the birds come right up to the house - and I'm talking Wood Pigeons, Tuis, and Fantails. Go to sleep listening to Moreporks.
However - looks like a new tenant coming soon. Workers clear the section tomorrow. So we may not be back for another couple of years.
August 19, 2008
There has been continued confusion over the Kim Hill interview. This has lead to questions concerning RMSs professionalism. There are a number of malicious rumours still hanging about.
Mark Cubey, producer of Saturday Morning with Kim Hill has written to clarify what happened with the start time for Richard's interview on 9 August.
He'd assumed that the 8:15 start time for the interview would mean that Richard would be there a bit earlier to get into the studio ready to kick off at that time.
As it was, the fire alarm in the Wellington studio threw the whole programme off schedule, but the resulting two-part interview has been stitched together for the Radio New Zealand website, available here.
The interview is available in Ogg Vorbis format, as are all others on that day.
The Saturday Morning programme is now providing all audio in this format alongside Windows Media Audio and MP3.
It's also now on the Nine to Noon programme as well, and Radio New Zealand will be rolling it out to other programmes as time allows, though not where copyright restrictions forbid downloads.
The Ogg Vorbis format is higher quality than MP3, free of any patents, and is preferred by some people because it is publically documented and is not associated with any commercial vendor. Radio New Zealand estimate that it is the primary audio format for about 1.5% of their web visitors.
August 18, 2008
My apologies - it seems that the last few entries were uploaded to the wrong folder. Regular readers must have been getting frustrated. They are here now...
I am back in Auckland, and RMS will be finishing up in the South Island. And it seems we have some rumour control yet to do.
There is fallout from the mess-up over the Kim Hill interview. Richard arrived for this interview on time at 8:15, but Kim was expecting him at 7:45! An annoying snafu, which was complicated by a fire alarm in Wellington. People who missed the interview should visit the Radio New Zealand site for the recording.
Massey, Palmerston North, went weird on me earlier - suddenly, my contact there stopped returning my calls. Peter investigated and it seems that some undisclosed internal politics was making it difficult to organise a talk there. It was decided to cancell that event, paving the way for a talk in Wanganui which was a resounding success.
I have pretty much thrown myself in at the deep end with this tour, and it seems that I can swim. I am quite chuffed that RMS has not missed a gig yet. I'll go into more detail when I've had a chance to recover. For me, there are two more events - in Hamilton: Waikato get to have their turn after all, and a farewell talk in Auckland on the 21st.
This has been a very busy tour for RMS, and, already, some people are asking about a repeat. Probably in 2010? We'll see.
August 4, 2008
One of my favorite stories when I was growing up was Jonah and the Whale. I figured it was probably worth dissing the Allmighty if it meant I got to ride around inside a whale. But, it's interesting to revisit your old favorites as a grown-up - it's amazing what else you notice.
You know the story - Jonah was minding his own business when:
God: JONAH - I HAVE A MISSION FOR YOU.
Jonah: Ehwotay!
Well, maybe he was cooler than that - considering what he does next - and it ran more like:
Jonah: Hey JayVee - hows it hangin? Nice sunset the other night.
God: I WANT YOU TO GO TO THAT TOWN OVER THERE AND TELL THEM THEY ARE ALL DOOMED!
Jonah: Doomed?
God: TOO MUCH SINNING - I SHALL SMITE THEM - GO TELL THEM.
Jonah: That's me you want to go tell them?
God: DO YOU UNDERSTAND!
Jonah: Yeah - sure thing God. I'm all over it. Yeah.
And the second God looks away, Jonahs off like a rocket - it the other direction!
Now, you've got to admire the balls this takes - but how did he think he could get away with it? I mean - hello! Omnipresent! Perhaps he just had a panic attack? Perhaps he had reason to beleive that God really wasn't watching?
But God was always doing that in the old testiment. He'd set up some rules - go away - and come back to find everyone fornicating or something.
Like, Satan waits for God to go away - then sits on His throne. Now two things about this: God has a throne? What does a non local being use a throne for? Does this mean that God has a bum that gets tired? Did He get sore feet standing for six days straight creating?
Perhaps it means that Satan attempted to take over God's office - metaphorical throne right? But how does a localised being that Satan certainly was ever think he could take over from an allmighty one? Which leads to the second thing - surely, as an angel (at that time), Satan knew that God was everywhere and so could not ever "go away"? Not even for a little bit?
We can't put that down to a panic attack - this was a planned takeover bid right? I think God just pretended to go away in order to see what happens. Probably started with Adam and Eve - you know, Adam is eyeing up Eve? She's the most gorgious woman he's ever seen. Let's face it - the only woman he's ever seen.
Adam: Soooo... how about it then?
Eve: We caann't...
Adam: (puzzled) Why not?
Eve: Someone will seeee...
Adam: What? Eve - look - we are the only two humans on the planet, who's going to see?
Eve: God.
Adam: What?
Eve: He watches everything - I think He's a perv!
Adam: Oh Gordon Bennet - OK OK, I'll fix it right?
Eve: Oh-Kay.
Adam: God? ... God - I want a word.
GOD: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY
Adam: Look, when Eve and I, you know, could you like, make yourself scarce or something?
God: I AM OMNIPRESENT - I CAN'T GO AWAY
Adam: Well, just pretend - all right?
God: THAT WOULD BE DISHONEST
Adam: Do you want to get the Human Race started or not?
God: OH ALL RIGHT
Eve: All sorted then?
Adam: Yep - God's doing a spot of gardening over the other side of Edin.
Adam: (calls out) Ain't that right your allmightyness?
God: (as if from a distance) I'M SORRY YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, I'M TOO FAR AWAF TO HEAR OR SEE YOU
Eve: Oh that's good - here, have a bite of my apple.
Adam: Oh yes baby!
Eve: No-oo, silly. This apple.
And so it started. But how would the likes of Jonah know that God had, indeed, gone? God is, after all, invisible. Did He hum, or something?
So Jonah is standing there listening to this job description, and all the while the words "SUICIDE MISSION" are scrolling across the inside of his eyelids. Finlly it's done:
God: RIGHT: I'M JUST GOING AWAY NOW...
God: (sings) DUM DE DUM DE ... I'M JUST GOING BEHIND THAT ROC - I MEAN: THIS ROCK
God: (singing fades as God "goes behind the rock") DUM DE DUM DE...
Jonah: God? ... Go-od? ... Right: I'm off!
God: WELL - THAT WAS QUICK. I WISH I COULD SAY I WAS SURPRISED BUT, OMNICOGNISCIENCE, IT SUCKS, YOU KNOW.
God: I'LL LET HIM GET AS FAR AS THE SEA AND THEN - I'LL SMACK HIM!
So Jonah gets to the docks and boards a boat - he's out of breath and wants to set sail in a hurry. The Captain is a little wary:
Capt: Sayy - you havn't upset any gods at all have you?
Jonah: Nope - not a one...
Capt: Not Jewish at all?
Jonah: Who me? No!
Capt: It's just that you look a bit religious...
Jonah: Religious? Me? Nah... Nahhhh...
Capt: Endless trouble with Jews - they keep upsetting their God you see. We're all Gentiles on this boat...
Jonah: I'm Gentile! Gentile as anything: wouldn't hurt a fly!
Capt: Well... all right them.
Capt: (shouting) Heave away lads!
They get right out into the open sea when a huge and really specific storm hits. There's waves like you've never seen - angry clouds, lightning. What tips the captain off that this could be a bit unusual is the way the whole storm is in a 300 yard radius of his boat. Outside that - dead calm, fishermen waving: "You seem to be having a spot of bother there..."
Fisherman 1: Perhaps we should help them?
Fisheman 2: (as a six-story wave swamps the stricken boat) Fuuuck Off!
So the Captain is thinking: what's different about *this* trip. He's asking around the crew:
Capt: You upset any gods at all?
Crew: not us - nope.
Capt: Come on - own up - anyone? Anyone at all?
Cabin Boy: What about the new guy?
But maybe they weren't actual pagan gentiles - maybe they were skeptics? They'd crowd around Jonah:
Capt: C'mon - how are you doing it?
Jonah: It's not me!
Capt: String? A really big mirror?
Jonah: Honest...
Capt: You've got your mates swimming about down there ain't you? Own up.
Whatever - the main point is that, although they are pretty certain this has something to do with Jonah, these guys *don't believe in God*. But they chuck Jonah over the side anyway. An what happens? This HUGE great fish pops up a swallows Jonah whole!
Capt: Ohhhhh! He was using the old giant fish con!
The storm goes out like someone pulled a switch - the boat sails on. Another victory for rational thought.
Capt: I told you lads - there's always a rational explaination for anything.
So Jonah is sitting in this fishes gullet. Soaking in digestive juices, which are taking years off his appearance (brings out the younger skin!) It stinks of, well, fish - and half-digested shrimp. Then God talks to him again.
God: ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN NOW?
Now you've got to hand it to God: when it comes to really driving your point home - there's noone better. After three days on a diet of half-digested shrimp, I'd be all ears too!
Jonah: Yup.
God: ARE YOU READY TO CARRY OUT THAT MISSION I GAVE TO YOU?
Jonah: (mumbles) I suppose so...
God: ARE YOU READY!!!!
Jonah: OKay already! I'll do it. -greif-
So the fish swims up and beaches itself on a ... beach. Swoosh, right up an the sand. And vomits up Jonah.
Jonah: Oh look - there,s a bit of whale vomit. (picks it up - sniffs it)
Jonah: Hmmm - you could probably make a scent out of that.
Jonah: Who am I kidding, I'm on a suicide mission from God. (chucks it away)
Jonah: Now... where am I.
He's been at sea for more than three days - much of that time in a fish - he could be anywhere. But God is thoughtful and had him sicked up right by his house.
Jonah: Oh shit - I suppose I'd better see the missus. Thank you God.
His missus takes one look at him and:
Mrs Jonah: Oooooh! Look what the cat dragged in!
Now you can't blame her. Last she knew, Jonah had just nipped down the corner shop for cigarettes when he suddenly ran off to join the merchant marine! There's her, abandoned with her delicate daughter and her no-good son, and this arsehole come dragging hiself back looking like he's just been through a storm, swallowed by a fish, and spewed up onto a beach. I mean - she spent all morning cleaning that floor, and what thanks does she got? None! That's what! And you know something else? If he thinks he can come swanning back into her life, smelling like a six-week old shrimp casserole, he can just swan right back out that door mister! Yes, that's you: you heard me! Amscray!
Jonah: Engfeh!
So the best Jonah can manage is to rinse off in a bucket, and dry the worst of the slime with some ashes from the fire. His clothes have had it, but he manages to scrounge some old sacks from the shed. He contemplates the task in front of him.
Jonah: Today is a shitty day to die. Oh well - at least I'm in the right frame of mind - better get this over with.
He heads into the middle of this town he's supposed to go to and starts preaching:
Jonah: Doom! Doom I say!
And who should he run into but some marketing manager type person.
MM: "Doom" you say?
Jonah: Doom! Doom on all you sinners!
MM: Catchy, punchy, to the point - makes a great name for a game, I like it. What's your name son?
Jonah: Doo.. er - Jonah - Doom on you all! You have sinned mightily and you shall be smitten!
MM: Smitten aye? Sounds nice - I knew this girl once...
Jonah: Death, Fire, Doom!
MM: Yes you said - er, what's all this in aid of then?
Jonah: You are unrightious in the Eyes of God!
MM: Cool! Which god?
Jonah: What do you mean "which god"? "God" God!
MM: OK, you said, but which one - there's tons around here. I mean - give people a context and we can promote this thing. You and me kid...
Johnah: No - just "God".
MM: Hey, like "Madonna", I dig it. Yeah - we can use that. Let's do lunch.
MM: (Arm around shoulders) And whats with these threads man? That brown thing?
Jonah: Sackcloth.
MM: (testing the word out) "sack-cloth", I like it. And that grey powder? Can you snort it?
Jonah: Ashes.
MM: "Sackcloth and Ashes" Wow! I see - I see - Just trying an idea here, nothing final - a fashion extravaganza. Everyone will be wearing our new line in "Sackcloth and Ashes" - er - how would you accessorise that dyou think.
Jonah: I hadn't really thought... look: I am a prophet of God!
MM: That's cool, that's cool - "profit" is my middle name - stick with me kid...
And it takes off. With proper promotion, everyone is indeed wearing the "Sackcloth and Ashes" label designerwear and worshipping God. Soon people everwhere are greeting each other with glad cries of "May God not kill you today." And "Thank you brother, may God spare you also."
Basically, 1000s of people all doing the "suckup fandango" at once, will sway anyone.
Jonah is sitting, safely outside city limits, drinking. He's been stiffed out of his share of the Sackcloth and Ashes profits and he's waiting for the whole lot of them to go up in firey wroth. Only it doesn't happen.
God: JONAH - ER - I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK.
Jonah: OK - when's the show?
God: AHHH... THAT...
Jonah: I got my kosher popcorn and everything.
God: THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO SAY THIS JONAH: IT'S BEEN CANCELLED.
Jonah: ...
God: YOU MUST BE HOT
Jonah: You put me in a fish...
HERE'S A VINE FOR SHADE
I got sicked up on a beach
IT WAS IN A GOOD CAUSE
My wife shouted at me
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LIKE YOU
Oh, the vine died - poor thing.
DID YOU NOTICE THAT YOU LIKED THAT PLANT BETTER THAN THE PEOPLE IN THERE
Abso-fucking-lutely! You know what I went through to bring this gig to town!
I FEEL THERE IS A LESSON HERE THAT IS BEING LOST SOMEHOW
You know what they'll be saying now don't you?
WELL - YES, AS IT HAPPENS
They'll be saying it was all a con - Do you know what they do to false prophets in these parts?
AGAIN... I HAVE TO ADMIT...
You knew didn't you - you knew all along!
YOU'VE GOT ME THERE.
And what about his old mate?
MM: Hey Jonah - baybee - isn't there supposed to be fire and brimstone about now?
Jonah: Oh go away!
June 1, 2008
New month, and here's stats round up for last month:
July saw 1430 unique visitors - a drop of 25% on June - generating almost the same traffic (around 20000 hits). Traffic generated for the Stallman tour is not included in these results.
Traffic was very steady, with visitors divided between NZ and USA - and 50:50 Windows and Linux - though 75% of visitors are using Firefox. C'mon folks - what will it take for you to drop that MS rubbish and adopt state of the art software? Comments invited - lets see what the reasons are and if I cannot gain some more converts.
The majority hits are generated off the Acer 4315 support pages. However, I have a spike on downloads off the OSC Course page. That course starts next week, on the 7th. Please book. I probably won't have time to update the course materials, so I'll be winging it.
The Richard Stallman tour kicks off on the 7th as well. He'll be pretty jetlagged after his overnight flight - but maybe I can twist his arm to visit the course that night... no promises. The 8th sees a talk given at the University of Auckland and there is a Radio interview on the 9th (Kim Hill!) followed by another talk. We are trying to get a larger venue than that currently booked. [Intinerary]
Nandoor Tanzos has been telling me of the difficulty using free software on parliamentary machines. He will probably be interviewing RMS for his alt-TV show. Also under discussion is the Green Party IT Policy statement - which they want RMS to endorse. This is by no means certain - after all, they are not the RMS/FSF Party - so their policy differs somewhat from Free Software ideals. (I won't comment further until it is announced.)
And I have secured a lot of information about NZ copyright law, which I'll probably post later.
I'll be driving RMS to Wellington for the 13th, but I hope to be back for the evening class on the 14th OK. Lets see what happens.
Meantime - stay warm, stay tuned.
